Baby Envy

Well, it's been awhile since I've been on and lots of things have happened towards our progress. Some good news is that our cousins in Concord, NC finally conceived via IVF. They went through every stage of fertility treatments and luckily have enough money to continue down the road of IVF. That's a road that I don't want to have to travel. Mostly due to finances but also because it would mean that all other options have failed and it will be much longer to get there.

Anyway, ever since I found out they were pregnant, I was excited for them but wished that it could happen for me. I wanted to succeed and be pregnant "together". I see other pregnant women and when the mood swings are on I hate them all! I see babies and they are so precious... but as I walk away I playfully say, "stupid babies" because someone else has what I want.

After finding out that cousin Holly is having a boy I was able to release some of my envy and stress with retail therapy - shopping for baby stuff!! Problem was, I spent waaaay too much. The shower is still a month away and I went shopping and gave her a bunch of stuff in August. The baby is due around Thanksgiving. We're supposed to be there to share the holiday and while I will thoroughly enjoy holding the baby, if I'm not preggo by then I'm probably going to be taking some moments to myself to cry when no one is around.